there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
