I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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