I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just found a bag of teeth...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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