I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
