He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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