I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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