butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
