I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
