I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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