Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
