What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize