I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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