All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
