I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
