Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize