your thong is hanging out like whoa
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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