That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
