i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
