There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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