You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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