I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
