I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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