Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Jerry, you need to find god
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
