Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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