I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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