I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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