Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
