I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
