Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
