i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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