Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
