I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
