Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
