With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize