thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i think i have two assholes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
