I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
