what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
