bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize