I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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