if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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