Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
