People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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