Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
