Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
