drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
