I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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