I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
