You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
