She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
