I'm pants shitting drunk right now
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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