Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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