My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
