I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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