remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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