Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
