Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize