plz talk dirty to me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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