Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
