If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
