I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
