I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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