I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
