Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
