You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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