She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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