respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
