What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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