3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
