somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
