The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
