my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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