see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
