kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
