I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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