Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
