just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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