Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am one with the molecules
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
