I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm too high and old for this...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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