You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
