that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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