im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
