chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I smell stomach acid.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
