Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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