Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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