My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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