Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
