So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
