I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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