The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
