so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize