Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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