I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
