No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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