we're chasing vodka with high fives
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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